So surprised... Continued.

I forgot why I wanted to talk about Sunday... It wasn't the Super Bowl. I don't even enjoy football... that much. During Relief Society, I was the Spotlight and honestly, I never realized what a bad person I was until it was all laid out on paper so I could see it. My spotlight highlighted my highly inappropriate taste in music, my trashy taste in television shows, my willingness to hit on engaged men during sacrament meeting, and of course (the most attractive part of my body)... my ankles. The high counselor's wife was sitting right in front of me and for some reason she was laughing. I don't think she knew what anything on my spotlight was or else I don't think she would have been laughing... She then decided to come up to me after and tell me that I was so cute when they were reading my spotlight. Little did she know I was totally red because I was completely and utterly embarrassed that that spotlight described me to the T....

Then, during testimony meeting I was listening to this girl talk about how at Judgement Day Christ is going to be our advocate. I sat back and thought about that for a moment. If Christ is going to be my advocate, he is going to have to make up a really good case to get me into Heaven. I can just imagine him saying, "Amy didn't swear this whole day" or "Amy went 4 hours without making one sexual innuendo" or "Amy didn't make fun of someone for 3 days". Let's all be honest. It's going to take some work to get me into Heaven, but I am gonna try to slide in there somehow.

No one else I told this to thought it was funny... So if you don't either it's fine. Or if you think it is highly sacreligious... I am really sorry about that too.

So surprised...

This weekend was so crazy for me. I didn't wear make up for three days (which is really rare for me). I had a lot to do and it was so great that Spencer was in Vegas because I really got a lot more done than I usually do... I had a big test for my eight credit class that I studied for all day Friday and the majority of the day Saturday. I was so mad. I felt like I had gotten almost every question right and then I got a B. I hate that. I hate getting B's. I hate it when I know that I can do better and I don't.

I left campus just relieved for the test to be over and headed to the gym looking very sketchy as usual. This next story won't come to a surprise to many, but for those of you who don't know I am addicted to super trashy TV shows and for some strange reason they usually make me highly emotional. I have officially sobbed in 16 and pregnant and almost cried during Kardashians, but couragously held it back because I was at the gym. I think I cried because there was a girl on the show that had cancer and thats what we are learning about right now and it just makes me sad because I know exactly what she is going through and it sucks. Or maybe I wanted to cry because I think they have a really good family and I really miss mine... a lot.

Then, I went to costco and I was super pissed that all of the samples were put away.

Next stop, the grocery store to try and find some food to make for the Super Bowl while spending the smallest amount of money possible, which is really hard. Especially for me. I am horrible with money and I keep trying to find someone to blame it on, but I have had no luck. I think it is totally and completely my fault. I was super stressed out for reasons I haven't totally figured out yet so I left angry and pretty much empty handed. As I was walking out of the store, I heard someone call my name. First thought that goes through my mind, "Crap I have to talk to someone." I turn around and it's Spencer! I was first thoroughly confused because he told me he was going to be in Vegas until 1:30 in the morning and then I was so happy because he tracked me down and surprised me! He knows I love it when he surprises me. I really needed to see and he made my whole weekend....

Sunday was yet again another ...

Wait how could I forget this crucial part of my weekend?I finally told Spencer that I loved him. I decided I was going to tell him on Tuesday when I was home all alone sitting on my couch all by myself and super embarrassed that I was being so giddy and such a girl. I hated every minute of it. I don't like being vulnerable. Especially for a boy.

We were laying on the couch and I think he was asking me why I kept sending him hate texts all weekend because I was mad he left me all alone all weekend. I told him I was doing it because I really like him and he said, "Are you sure you just like me?" I am so mad. I couldn't say it. I was so nervous. I don't know why it was so hard. I have never said that to a boy before and apparently I couldn't handle the pressure. The subject changed and the moment passed and I am still upset I didn't take advantage of that prime time to tell him...

He got up to leave and we were standing by the door and I was just staring at him. I can't remember what he said but he knew I was thinking something... I said, "I just wish I could tell you, but I can't" and he said, "Don't worry about it. It will come." Then I told him, "Now you know my secret." And he asks, "What secret?" Then I said, (here it comes get ready for it) "Now you know that I love you." He got that cute look on his face that he always does when he is happy and giddy and he made me say it again... Apparently he has been waiting for me to say that for a long time. He told me he loved me while he was at my house over Halloween when we were sitting in my space chair (where I sat and talked to him almost every night over summer) at 2in the morning. It was perfect. He did it in a way more classy way than I did. He just chose to do it before I was ready.

Sunday was yet again another great day. I love Sundays. Sundays are by far my favorite day of the week. Sundays are filled with everything that is most important in life. The Gospel. Family. Friends. Lots of really good food... And Kardashians, but that is besides the point. I love that I can forget about everything else in the world and spend time with those people that I love most. Besides my body, The Day of Rest was by far God's greatest creation. Craig Morgan sums up my feelings about Sunday perfectly...



We had Break the Fast and then Spencer and Craig came over for the Super Bowl. I loved being with my two of favorite boys.... in Provo. Everyone who knows me knows that my Dad is the number one man in my life and always will be. I love you Dad. We made quesadillas and quacamole and ate some Reeses. It was perfect. As usual, Spencer took good care of me and I spent the rest of the night with him. It was perfect.

Oh. And listen to this. Spencer decided to tell his family that I told him I loved him and now they want me and Spencer to go up to Idaho for the wekend so they can "get to know me better". Freak me out! All I know is that I love this boy. I am not ready for in-laws just yet....

Love my family. Love my life. Love my Mom.

Scratch that last post.

Let me clarify that last entry. I think I am going to love being a nurse, however, after being in the OR today, I will not be an OR nurse. I love blood and I love watching surgeries, but it is so boring.... Once the incision was made and I hit the forth hour standing by a bed I was over it.
Today I watched two surgeries of men who had their prostates removed. The only thing I was sure of when I walked out of that room today was that my wedding night would be of no surprise to me.... If I am allowed to say that on my blog.
Anyway the doctor was playing jazz music which put everyone to sleep; the circulating nurse was reading a quilting book; and the nurse anesthetist was on the computer most of the time... Okay it wasn't that bad, but it really was a very slow-paced day. The only exciting part was when no one could get the artificial airway in the first patient and when I ate my lunch... My job, I am happy to say, was to hold the client's hand.... It was exciting to do something. Leave me alone. His respirations were 0 for what seemed like forever. I was impressed he made it out alive.
One thing that is pretty awesome whenever I go to the hospital is I actually get to watch everything that I have been reading about for the past 2 years! I love it. It makes me feel like the hundreds and hundreds of pages I read are not going to waste...
Love my family. Love my life.

I think I am really going to love being a nurse.

Last week at the hospital was amazing! I loved my patient. His heart was failing him and he was waiting for a transplant. He had an LVAD which is basically a machine outside of your body that pumps your heart for you. So incredible! He has no pulse and you can't take his blood pressure,but he is still alive... So crazy. I think this might be one of the reasons why I love the hospital, love the human body and love medicine! It is incredible what we can do these days and whats even wierder is we all talk about these procedures and treatments so nonchalantly like they aren't even a big deal. I have been learning about this stuff for what seems like forever and still I cease to be amazed with the human body and what it is capable of and I would say I am about 97.14% sure that it didn't come about by rubbing some rocks together... Anyway my patient really cemented in my head this week that the nurse is the patient's advocate. Doctor's, nurses, and CNAs all just shuffelled through the room and he told he same things to all of them. It wasn't until they all left and I was just in there to spend time with him that he voiced his true feelings to me about what was going on in his treatment. I loved it. He trusted me or he was trying to make conversation... one or the other. In the short time that I was there I can honestly say that I grew to love my patient. He was such a sweet man and as soon as I walked in the room with him he could tell that I was scared out of my mind. So to ease my nerves, he told me that there is a first time for everything and all the skills I need will come with practice. He then went on to tell me about the first time he stuck his hand into a pig's uterus (his words). Again, I think he was trying to make conversation. I loved it. Love the hospital. Love my family. Love my life.

Spender Mooso...

Most everyone knows about my relationship with Spencer. As he describes it, "Physically and psycologically abnormal." I say that sums it up pretty well. We both came to the conclusion that we both like it like that. It keeps things way more interesting. I love this boy! He makes me smile. He makes me laugh. He makes me feel safe. I love it when I feel like I am his and only his. I love the way he shows me that he loves me and he cares about me and he listens to me when i ramble on and on and on... usually mostly about myself. And it helps that he is so handsome and has a cute butt too.... I have failed to tell him this because I at times I think it might do more harm than good. The other day I came to the conclusion that I was going to tell him and then I talked to my family.... I know that they have good intentions and they are just trying to help, but they really know how to shoot me off my high horse (especially one of them in particular). How do you know the difference between being in love and wanting to spend forever with one person and being in love with being in love? Any good answers? I don't have one either, but until then I am going to continue singing this song every time I am with him....

MIA?

So I do realize that I have been totally MIA from the blog scene for quite sometime now... But I am hoping to turn that around. I have been in deep thought about my life lately since recently I feel totally and completely unorganized and unfortunately stagnant. I have been contemplating those things that I do well and those things that I could improve. Unfortunately, my "improvement" list outweighs my "doing well" list by far... I have always been horrible at keeping a journal and I can't quite bring myself to sit down and write just yet, so I feel like if I pick blogging back up it will be a nice segway into "real" journal writing. And.... since I don't talk to my family much these days because someone with two little babies is occupying all of their time, they can just catch up with life via amythecougar...

These past couple of days have been totally exhausting and I am not 100% sure why, but I am pretty sure that I looked really sexy at church today so that made up for a little bit of my anxiety. Anyways...
My life these days is predominantly taken over by nursing school, which is miserable, but I just keep telling myself it is going to be worth it. I read constantly and I am never finished and no matter how much I read and no matter how study my teacher has still managed to tell me that she is going to slap me twice. I get up at 4:30 on Thursdays and head to Salt lake to work in the U of U hospital. I love the hospital. So much better than the nursing home and U of U is incredible. I think it's safe to say that when I am there I feel pretty legit, but it is also equally safe to say that I am scared out of my mind. This past week I was in the nuero unit and I watched a guy have a seizure and the week before that I watched colonoscopies and bronchoscopies all day long and got to put in an IV... Way cool. You may think I am kidding, but I am not at all. This next week I actaully take care of a patient all by myself so lets all cross our fingers that I don't kill anyone.

Gosh. Writing in a journal is so hard... I have no clue what to say.

One thing is for sure. Evertime I leave the hospital I am so grateful that I am happy and healthy... for the most part. I can handle a little acne and little bit of pudge around my midsection. I see some cards that people are dealt and it is so sad. I see families that have to go through these horrible sicknesses and diseases and it is so horrible. I am so excited to be a nurse to help these people and to serve these people and to hopefully make their experience in the hospital just that much better.

Well Spencer just got here... Yes he is back in the picture. So I would really appreciate it if we keep this a judge free zone and just accept that I am happy. Love my family. Love my life.

p.s. "Dear mom and dad please send money. I'm so broke that it ain't funny. Don't need much just a little to get me by..."

My Sister

I know this is a little early, but I just wanted to send a birthday shout out to my favorite big sister Kristi. I want you to know how much I look up to you and appreciate your example. You are so lucky to have such a wonderful husband and children. I hope I can be as cool as you one day. I love you!