Livin' It Up

I'd like to give a shout out to my main man ...

2011-02-06T17:19:00.000-08:00

Today is a very special day... Many, many years ago, a very special man was born into this world. I love my dad so much! He has been the best example to me and there usually isn't anyone that I would rather hang out with more. Unfortunately, he has set my "dad" standard pretty high and not very many men can live up. Thanks dad...

But in all serious, I love you dad. So much. You are a great dad and you have taught all of your children so much. We know what is important in life and you and mom have shown us, by example, how we should conduct ourselves and live our lives.

I hope you had an incredible birthday, which hopefully by now isn't that hard to do in Hawaii...

I love you Dad! Thank you for all that you do for me!

P.s. Mom, sorry this isnt the best picture of you, but it was the only one I had with dad... I think you are beautiful anyway. Love you both!

I need help...

2011-02-03T18:50:00.000-08:00

I cried again... Except this time it wasn't in my car at the top of a mountain or in my bed all by lonesome. I just cried to my second counselor for who knows how long for no apparent reason. And this wasn't just any cry. This wasn't just one glistening tear sliding down my cheek. This was definitely full on. Can't even stop if I try. Totally embarrassing. Completely emotionally unstable to the point of no return. He had no clue what to do with me...

My life is such a joke.

I am so sorry Second Counselor.

This is for my mom...

2011-02-02T21:18:00.000-08:00

Mom,

I know at times you may be embarrassed and ashamed because I may not have to cleanest mouth and I may be a little crude at times. I may be brutally honest and come off a little harsh, a little vulgar, or a little mean. I am sorry.

You might not think anyone is going to like me or love me just the way I am, but I do. I love who I am. I love that I am not like everyone else and I am a little wierd and a little corky and am not afraid to share what is on my mind.

I know I have a long way to go and I am desensitized to a point where sometimes I don't even realize things I do or say are wrong anymore... But I am trying to be better.

In fact, I found this little gem while I was listening to some conference talks tonight... Pay close attention from 2:11 to 2:53. That's for me.

I may not be the most faithful servant all the time, but I am trying, and I think He knows that.

Just love me mom. Just support me.

Because I love you. So much!

Day 3- A picture of you and your friends

2011-02-02T12:37:00.000-08:00

Not sure who the kissing booth kid is in this picture, but I do know one thing for sure. He was all up on me that night. I am not going to say I didn't like it, but it definitely started to become a burden by the end of the night.

Only one other person knows how hard it is to carry the mantle of everyone being in love with you... and that's MY GYN!

Gyn is the gem right in the middle trying to man handle my kissing booth and my behind...

I would like to take a quick minute to express my undying love for my baby Gyn! I don't think I tell her enough. She makes me so incredibly happy. I look forward to seeing her face every night when I get home. Not so much in the morning... that takes a lot of me.

It it wasn't for her, I would have been prescribed Celexa years ago. She is hands down the most inappropriately hilarious person I have ever met... and I never know what is going to come out her mouth next. I would share stories, but unfortunately, both of our mothers tell us that we need to not show anyone who we really are or at least not all at once, so I will refrain for now.

(Gyn, I know the Bishop has told us multiple times that we have no chance after this life, but as long as I am with you and pearl, I am sure we will do just fine where ever we do end up.)

The strapping, young, black man that gets her is a very lucky man. (If, of course Gyn, he doesn't fall in love with me first... You know how that goes. It has happened one to many times already).

I love you, Gyn. So much. And I know that our relationship is only going to get better from here on out now that our beds are pushed together... Thanks for taking such good care of me and making me laugh every single day... Emphasis on the single.

Day 2- The meaning behind your blog name

2011-01-29T20:11:00.001-08:00

Okay so I have gotten behind on the blog challenge. My bad, but honestly my blog name has no meaning to me whatsoever. I don’t even think I came up with it. I don’t even think I know what a cougar is… except, I think my mom is one. She’s super hot.

And I currently wouldn’t describe my life as “livin’ it up”. I hit the library and the gym up pretty hard these days, but that’s about it. The rest of my life consists of borderline inappropriate conversations with my roommate and everyone else telling me that if I want to get married I need to completely revamp who I am and conform to the cookie cutter Mormon housewife…

So…. I am skipping this entry.

Just read this over before posting. I am a really cynical person. I am sorry.

I'm Back...

2011-01-20T17:31:00.000-08:00

It’s time I get back into the blog scene. Life gets pretty uneventful as a BYU nursing student with 2 jobs and no boyfriend, so I figured the easiest way to get back into the habit was to start the 30 day blog challenge.

Day 1- Recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself

1. I live in fear every day that I may have to give someone CPR and I won’t know how to do it. At the gym, if an old person is working super hard, I try not to look at them and to get away as soon as possible in case they go into cardiac arrest…

2. I am obsessed with everything wedding. Everything marriage. Everything love. So obsessed, in fact, that I am incapable of being happy for any engaged or married person that isn’t me. It’s a tragedy. I know. I try really hard, but it never works…

3. I am emotionally unstable 99% of the time. In the past 2 days, I have choked back tears in public places 4 times. In my bed, once. No reason was legitimate.

4. I am probably one of the least competitive people you know.

5. My friend josh provided me with this lovely fact. And I quote, “Your version of lingerie consists of flannel and full body modesty.” Dear future husband, First of all, find me faster. You aren’t looking hard enough. Second, I am sure you are super hot and an incredible human being, but your wedding night will be extremely uneventful and I am very sorry about that. Totally my fault.

6. I lack a social filter. My mouth needs to be washed out with soap and my mind is always in the gutter. However, it always makes for a good time. You should try it.

7. Believe it or not, I am still in love with my high school. Case in point. I was practically crying in the gym this morning while watching a marching band perform on a morning show… Embarrassing? I’d say so.

8. I am obsessed with anything family. Probably has to do with the fact that my family is borderline incestuous, but that’s beside the point. I love moms. I love dads. I love babies. I love husbands. Not so much wives. I love it all. And again, I will cry about just about anything that even remotely relates.

9. Speaking of my future family… I talk to them when I am all by myself. Mostly my kids. I think they are really nervous to have me be their mom. I am trying to reassure them that everything will be okay…

10. I would like my children to all have mullets at least sometime in their lives. They will also wear the accompanying timberlands, cut off jean shorts, and sleeveless plaid shirts.

11. My knowledge of U.S. history is no greater than the second grade level at best.

12. I think I am the funniest person I know. Unfortunately, no one else does. I am usually the first and last person laughing at everything I say and sometimes even the only one.

13. I will be forever indebted to the African American race. Hip/Hop/Rap sends of surge of energy through me that makes me so happy. I believe that it is straight poetry. In fact, I cried while listening to Eminem just the other day. Again, not a legitimate reason at all to cry.

14. I have Chrohn’s Disease. Okay. Not really, but I do challenge anyone to find another 21 year old that has as many problems with her bowels as I do.

15. My dream job has always been to be a super model, but not just any supermodel. I want to wear the wings in a Victoria Secret fashion show.

Okay. Listen. I asked of few people who know me best, while writing this blog post, to share some interesting that they know about me. I wasn’t going to include them, but I cannot help myself. They are too funny. If you have a sensitive spirit and would like to retain THE Spirit, please stop reading now.

1. I am recently starting to believe in the existence of human/women’s rights.

2. I have an extensive (semi-first hand) knowledge of almost all known vaginal diseases (I will sing you the song if you would like to hear it).

3. I hyperventilate when I make out.

4. I peeled my entire face off/sanded down three times… and for some reason it is still super embarrassing.

5. My laugh sounds like someone starving for air.

6. I have ambiguous genitalia. Okay. Not really. But I was able to convince my last boyfriend that I did. For real.

7. My relationship with my dad borders illegal.

i just need to get this off my chest.

2010-03-26T15:02:00.000-07:00

spencer broke up with me wednesday night. i guess it was my fault because i can't make up my mind and i constantly voice my concerns to him. He doesn't deserve that.
Everything was normal. Everything was great. we had a good weekend in idaho with his family. we had such great talks on the ride home and i fell in love with him all over again. i wanted him to be mine and only mine forever. Monday night we talked about possibly getting married at christmas and while it was so scary, it was so exciting all at the same time. i love this boy and everything that he is. why wouldn't i want to marry him. tuesday i pretended that i was amy mooso. i was so happy. so giddy. and then wednesday happened. i became so overwhelmed and so stressed. reality set in. housing was stressful. the idea of making a mistake on the most important decision of my life was stressful.
i was driving up to salt lake with my nursing friends and since all we ever talk about is marriage and all the other girls that were considering marriage are actually getting marriage... of course we talked about me and spencer all the way home. i expressed all of my fears. am i in love with spencer or am in love with how much he loves me. am i in love with spencer or am i in love with always having somewhere there to hold me and to love me and to kiss me goodnight. is spencer supposed to be the last boy that i ever date. will i always feel this scared about marriage or is it just this situation. how come i wasn't getting answers like everyone else.
i got home totally stressed. i just wanted to see spencer. i just wanted to tell him everything that was on my mind. i wanted him to tell me it was going to be okay and we were going to figure it out and make it work just like he always does.
i told him we needed to talk and we went on a little date out to dinner. the night was great until i started talking. he was so handsome. so fun. it made me so happy just to be with him.
i started talking and i could tell he was getting concerned. I could tell i was going to cry so we left the restaurant and we went to go and sit in the car. He said, "Amy i have heard all of these things before. none of this is new. clearly these feelings aren't going away. when you doubt, it makes me doubt. it makes me wonder if these feelings are real and i should be concerned. nothing is going to change if we stay in this relationship. in a perfect world, we will date other people and we will realize that we are supposed to be together."
I was sobbing. he was getting emotional. i started to take him home. when we got there i cried for a while and he finally made the decision to end it. i continued crying. he got emotional again. he held me. he told me that he loved me and that he will always love me. he gave me a kiss and he got out of the car.
i cried the rest of the night. i think i was asleep for an hour and woke up at four thirty to go to salt lake and i started crying again. i cried most of the morning and then pulled it together an hour into my shift. as soon as i got in the car, i lost it again and then cried all night again until i took two huge excedrin PMs and craig gave me blessing. (thanks craig. love you.) slept for eleven hours and i thought i woke up okay. i went to class. came home. fell apart again. went to campus. fell apart again. came home and again i am falling apart as i write this. and i am sure there is plenty more to come.
i hope i can figure this out soon and i can be happy again.
thank you to my roommates who have been great. i loved the nice notes and i am sure the ice cream will come in handy this weekend.

spencer i dont know if you will ever read this. i understand if you dont want to but i wanted to tell you a few things. i love you. always will. i love what we had. i love that you were my addiction for so long. you make me happy. it wasnt always easy. no. but i learned so much in the process. you taught me so much about myself. you made me want to be better. you made me want to treat you better. thank you for being the realistic one in the relationship and not being afraid to tell me when i was being ridiculous and a selfish brat. you helped me to look at myself through someone else's eyes and i am a better person because of it. thank you for being patient with me. thank you for loving me for me for whats on the inside. thank you for helping me to see what i want and what i need out of life. over the last year i have watched you change for the better. you are such an amazing man. you are so smart. so dedicated. you have so much going for you. i could go on and on. i am sorry if you feel i have hurt you in any way. i love you. i am not mad. i understand this wasnt easy. i want you to be happy. this is all going to work itself out for the better.

valentine's day...

2010-02-21T08:15:00.000-08:00

well, i guess it is time for that well awaited, long overdue valentine's day post.
for valentine's day spencer tried to surprise me with tickets to monster jam because i had been telling him that i had wanted to go forever. unfortunately, i am a brat and i made him tell me what we were doing because to be honest i was a little bit nervous for what he could have planned. he did good. i was impressed.

i think that there is a little white trash in all of us, maybe a little more in me than is normal, but i feel like these tendencies should not be suppressed but embraced whole heartedly. i am not sure why i enjoy monster jam and motocross so much, but i felt like a little giddy school girl as soon as i walked in to the stadium. maybe it is the memories i have associated with this event. maybe it is the smell of dirt, mullets, exhaust and the large amounts of testosterone filling the room. i don't know, but i couldn't stop smiling the whole time i was there. i felt so ridiculous.

spencer turned to me during the show and said, "amy, i knew that you wanted to go to monster jam and i knew that you would enjoy it, but i didn't know you were going to like it this much..." he said he doesn't ever need to go back, but little does he know that if we get married i plan on going to motocross and monster jam every year for the rest of my life. it is just a sacrifice he is going to have to make...

also i would just like to make one comment about monster jam in utah. i was a little bit disappointed about the level of white trash that was in the building. it was mostly families, which is nice because it gave me a little glimpse into my future, but the crowd is half of the fun at events like these. i missed the drunk people, and the lakeside/santee crowd and the large number of fights that break out and get broken up by the police throughout the whole show...

finally, note to all those who will be invited to my baby shower. i would like my baby to have a grave digger hat...

for the rest of our night, we went to get burgers(to keep up with the same level of classiness) and on the way home i came up with a little game for me and spencer to play. kinda cheesy, but really funny. throughout our relationship, a few songs have meant a little more to us than others and i would like to share a few.

this is a song that spencer played for me a few weeks after we started dating and to be honest, when he did, i knew i wanted to keep this boy around... such a good song.

This next song made me kind of sad... you know you have messed with a boy's heart a little too much when this is the only song that he can think of off the top of his head to dedicate to you...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sseEfZIq-qA

sorry i didn't post the video... this is the only appropriate version of the song i could find.

sunday night was my turn to surprise spencer and treat him to a nice evening on the town... i left a card on his car while he was at work with a few nice words in it and i told him to be ready at seven o' clock sharp, lookin' super spiffy and a hot girl would be there to pick him up. i took him to a park and we had a little bit... or a lot of brownies and ice cream before we swung on the swings for a while. i don't know what he did when he was a child, but he didn't even know what an underdog was... i thought this was going to be my night for spencer, but he had a little surprise of his own for me. i got a little nervous when he said that he had made something for me, but his poem is hilarious. if you dont know who these people are then is it isn't as funny, but just go with it...

Amy,
On this Valentine Holiday
I just wanted to say
How much you mean to me
In a messed up sort of way you see
I can't get you out of mind
That must be some sort of sign
That i'm crazy for you
And all those bratty things you do
I know its not perfect
Becasue of our little defects
But we will make it work
Just like jenna and dirk
Although puma and coot don't get along
That doesn't mean that they don't belong
Won't you be my valentine
Because i'm so good with the rhyme?
Love you,
Spencer

i thought it was good. if you don't, that's fine too...

that was my first Valentine's Weekend i have ever spent with a boy and no it wasn't normal for most, but i loved it!

postponed...

2010-02-15T21:04:00.000-08:00

i was planning on giving everyone the well anticipated recap of my valentine's weekend tonight. however, spencer fell asleep on my couch tonight right on cue, as usual, 8 o' clock sharp, and i had to take him home. he is such an old soul. something i struggle with every day of my life. i am too tired now so you will all have to wait till tomorrow.

however, there have been a few things on my mind lately that i just need to express. first of all, my skin looks great. my body not so much, but my skin hasn't looked this good in a while. it could be that i have absolutely no stress in my life right now or maybe it is all of the taco bell and french fries that me and spencer have been eating (i know. we are super classy. you don't have to tell me twice.) hope this doesn't jinx anything, but if jesus could just keep this one aspect of my life in line for just a little bit longer that would be much appreciated...

also, as many of you know, my hair has been a real issue lately. it is a combination of bright yellow and white and now that my roots are longer than ever, there is quite a bit of really dark brown creeping out the top. the contrast is a sight to see. let me tell you. all i can say is that it has definitely reached the stage "hot mess".

so i have come to the conclusion that i am going dark and never going back... i am afraid that my mother may have quite the issue with this because i know that she has invested a pretty penny to get my hair into the impeccable state that it is now in... Mother if you would like, i could make this tranformation slowly, but i would really appreciate your support on this. i have walked out of too many hair salons just wishing that i owned a hat. or a paper bag. or some hair clippers. and i really just need to fix the accumulation of mess after mess after mess... i love you. i am planning on heading to the salon tomorrow so feel free to get back to me asap...

look forward to my valentine's post... spencer wrote me a poem. for some strange reason, i have quite a few poems that have accumulated from boys over the years. i must be some kind of inspiration...

I survived.

2010-02-10T21:38:00.000-08:00

Oh man. That was rough. He didn't yell and he didn't call me any names, but I sure felt like a b... Feel free to enter any expletives that start with b in that space. I am sure I probably fall under any of those categories.

He wasn't mean to me, which was nice. Actually, our fight went surprisingly well. He told me what frustrated him, why it did, and then he said he was glad to get it off his chest. He handles frustration so much better than I do. I am so glad he doesn't sit around and pout for three hours waiting for someone to come and make it better like I do... so embarrassing.

Hardest part of the night... Finding out how overwhelmed he is with all of his responsibilities right now and knowing that is was me that set him over the edge and brought a little moisture to his eyes. Honestly, I felt like crap. I wanted to curl up in a corner and not come out... Too bad I am kind of large and I wouldn't stay hidden for very long.

All in all, the fight only lasted about 20 minutes. I don't enjoy fighting with anyone, but especially not with Spencer and this might sound weird, but I enjoyed working things out with him. I don't think either of us is concerned about who is right or who is going to come out on top, we both just want it to be over and the other person to be happy again. We work together well. At least I think so... He probably still thinks I am a brat.

I am sorry Spencer. You are still my favorite... Hopefully I am still somewhere near the top of your list too.

I know that this video is highly inappropriate for a young BYU girl's blog, but I have to include it in this post. The first time I saw the first part of this movie, I totally thought of me and Spencer.

It wasn't until this afternoon when I talked to my friend Steven that I realized that the last part of the clip was relevant to my relationship as well. Not so much the part of having another man in the picture, but I have lived my life trying to receive approval of those around me in the choices that I make. I value people's opinions and it is really hard for me when those people that I love disagree with me. Steven said today that I care too much about what other people think of me. I need to base the decisions of my relationship on my feelings and my experiences alone. Of course, I value those around me and what they have to say, but this is a decision that will affect me, and mostly me, for time and all eternity.

And as of now, I am so happy. So, so happy and I am excited to see what lies ahead...

I'm scared...

2010-02-10T18:15:00.000-08:00

Spencer is mad at me. He is never mad at me. I am so scared. He is coming over to give me a stern talking to... I am super nervous. I hate it when people are mad at me.

He is mad because I bothered him all day to hang out with me, but he was really, really busy... This actually happens a lot. Like every day. That's why he is so angry. What do I do? I hate that I am such a selfish brat...

Mom can I get these please....

2010-02-10T12:28:00.001-08:00

Reasons to convince my mother why I should receive these shoes:
1. These shoes do a great job at extenuating my super nice ankles.
2. They make my feet look super sexy and let's all be honest... that doesn't happen very often.
3. My current running shoes have a hole in them (very small and doesn't affect my exercise routine at all, but that's besides the point...)

Reasons why my mother will say no:
1. I am a spoiled brat... (her words)
2. We are on our last dollar... (again her words)
3. I don't have a job. (which I feel is a really cheap shot...I am a full time student.)

So Dad. Can I please get these new running shoes?

So surprised... Continued.

2010-02-08T20:26:00.000-08:00

I forgot why I wanted to talk about Sunday... It wasn't the Super Bowl. I don't even enjoy football... that much. During Relief Society, I was the Spotlight and honestly, I never realized what a bad person I was until it was all laid out on paper so I could see it. My spotlight highlighted my highly inappropriate taste in music, my trashy taste in television shows, my willingness to hit on engaged men during sacrament meeting, and of course (the most attractive part of my body)... my ankles. The high counselor's wife was sitting right in front of me and for some reason she was laughing. I don't think she knew what anything on my spotlight was or else I don't think she would have been laughing... She then decided to come up to me after and tell me that I was so cute when they were reading my spotlight. Little did she know I was totally red because I was completely and utterly embarrassed that that spotlight described me to the T....

Then, during testimony meeting I was listening to this girl talk about how at Judgement Day Christ is going to be our advocate. I sat back and thought about that for a moment. If Christ is going to be my advocate, he is going to have to make up a really good case to get me into Heaven. I can just imagine him saying, "Amy didn't swear this whole day" or "Amy went 4 hours without making one sexual innuendo" or "Amy didn't make fun of someone for 3 days". Let's all be honest. It's going to take some work to get me into Heaven, but I am gonna try to slide in there somehow.

No one else I told this to thought it was funny... So if you don't either it's fine. Or if you think it is highly sacreligious... I am really sorry about that too.

So surprised...

2010-02-08T18:50:00.000-08:00

This weekend was so crazy for me. I didn't wear make up for three days (which is really rare for me). I had a lot to do and it was so great that Spencer was in Vegas because I really got a lot more done than I usually do... I had a big test for my eight credit class that I studied for all day Friday and the majority of the day Saturday. I was so mad. I felt like I had gotten almost every question right and then I got a B. I hate that. I hate getting B's. I hate it when I know that I can do better and I don't.

I left campus just relieved for the test to be over and headed to the gym looking very sketchy as usual. This next story won't come to a surprise to many, but for those of you who don't know I am addicted to super trashy TV shows and for some strange reason they usually make me highly emotional. I have officially sobbed in 16 and pregnant and almost cried during Kardashians, but couragously held it back because I was at the gym. I think I cried because there was a girl on the show that had cancer and thats what we are learning about right now and it just makes me sad because I know exactly what she is going through and it sucks. Or maybe I wanted to cry because I think they have a really good family and I really miss mine... a lot.

Then, I went to costco and I was super pissed that all of the samples were put away.

Next stop, the grocery store to try and find some food to make for the Super Bowl while spending the smallest amount of money possible, which is really hard. Especially for me. I am horrible with money and I keep trying to find someone to blame it on, but I have had no luck. I think it is totally and completely my fault. I was super stressed out for reasons I haven't totally figured out yet so I left angry and pretty much empty handed. As I was walking out of the store, I heard someone call my name. First thought that goes through my mind, "Crap I have to talk to someone." I turn around and it's Spencer! I was first thoroughly confused because he told me he was going to be in Vegas until 1:30 in the morning and then I was so happy because he tracked me down and surprised me! He knows I love it when he surprises me. I really needed to see and he made my whole weekend....

Sunday was yet again another ...

Wait how could I forget this crucial part of my weekend?I finally told Spencer that I loved him. I decided I was going to tell him on Tuesday when I was home all alone sitting on my couch all by myself and super embarrassed that I was being so giddy and such a girl. I hated every minute of it. I don't like being vulnerable. Especially for a boy.

We were laying on the couch and I think he was asking me why I kept sending him hate texts all weekend because I was mad he left me all alone all weekend. I told him I was doing it because I really like him and he said, "Are you sure you just like me?" I am so mad. I couldn't say it. I was so nervous. I don't know why it was so hard. I have never said that to a boy before and apparently I couldn't handle the pressure. The subject changed and the moment passed and I am still upset I didn't take advantage of that prime time to tell him...

He got up to leave and we were standing by the door and I was just staring at him. I can't remember what he said but he knew I was thinking something... I said, "I just wish I could tell you, but I can't" and he said, "Don't worry about it. It will come." Then I told him, "Now you know my secret." And he asks, "What secret?" Then I said, (here it comes get ready for it) "Now you know that I love you." He got that cute look on his face that he always does when he is happy and giddy and he made me say it again... Apparently he has been waiting for me to say that for a long time. He told me he loved me while he was at my house over Halloween when we were sitting in my space chair (where I sat and talked to him almost every night over summer) at 2in the morning. It was perfect. He did it in a way more classy way than I did. He just chose to do it before I was ready.

Sunday was yet again another great day. I love Sundays. Sundays are by far my favorite day of the week. Sundays are filled with everything that is most important in life. The Gospel. Family. Friends. Lots of really good food... And Kardashians, but that is besides the point. I love that I can forget about everything else in the world and spend time with those people that I love most. Besides my body, The Day of Rest was by far God's greatest creation. Craig Morgan sums up my feelings about Sunday perfectly...

We had Break the Fast and then Spencer and Craig came over for the Super Bowl. I loved being with my two of favorite boys.... in Provo. Everyone who knows me knows that my Dad is the number one man in my life and always will be. I love you Dad. We made quesadillas and quacamole and ate some Reeses. It was perfect. As usual, Spencer took good care of me and I spent the rest of the night with him. It was perfect.

Oh. And listen to this. Spencer decided to tell his family that I told him I loved him and now they want me and Spencer to go up to Idaho for the wekend so they can "get to know me better". Freak me out! All I know is that I love this boy. I am not ready for in-laws just yet....

Love my family. Love my life. Love my Mom.

Scratch that last post.

2010-02-04T19:49:00.000-08:00

Let me clarify that last entry. I think I am going to love being a nurse, however, after being in the OR today, I will not be an OR nurse. I love blood and I love watching surgeries, but it is so boring.... Once the incision was made and I hit the forth hour standing by a bed I was over it.
Today I watched two surgeries of men who had their prostates removed. The only thing I was sure of when I walked out of that room today was that my wedding night would be of no surprise to me.... If I am allowed to say that on my blog.
Anyway the doctor was playing jazz music which put everyone to sleep; the circulating nurse was reading a quilting book; and the nurse anesthetist was on the computer most of the time... Okay it wasn't that bad, but it really was a very slow-paced day. The only exciting part was when no one could get the artificial airway in the first patient and when I ate my lunch... My job, I am happy to say, was to hold the client's hand.... It was exciting to do something. Leave me alone. His respirations were 0 for what seemed like forever. I was impressed he made it out alive.
One thing that is pretty awesome whenever I go to the hospital is I actually get to watch everything that I have been reading about for the past 2 years! I love it. It makes me feel like the hundreds and hundreds of pages I read are not going to waste...
Love my family. Love my life.

I think I am really going to love being a nurse.

2010-02-03T19:43:00.000-08:00

Last week at the hospital was amazing! I loved my patient. His heart was failing him and he was waiting for a transplant. He had an LVAD which is basically a machine outside of your body that pumps your heart for you. So incredible! He has no pulse and you can't take his blood pressure,but he is still alive... So crazy. I think this might be one of the reasons why I love the hospital, love the human body and love medicine! It is incredible what we can do these days and whats even wierder is we all talk about these procedures and treatments so nonchalantly like they aren't even a big deal. I have been learning about this stuff for what seems like forever and still I cease to be amazed with the human body and what it is capable of and I would say I am about 97.14% sure that it didn't come about by rubbing some rocks together... Anyway my patient really cemented in my head this week that the nurse is the patient's advocate. Doctor's, nurses, and CNAs all just shuffelled through the room and he told he same things to all of them. It wasn't until they all left and I was just in there to spend time with him that he voiced his true feelings to me about what was going on in his treatment. I loved it. He trusted me or he was trying to make conversation... one or the other. In the short time that I was there I can honestly say that I grew to love my patient. He was such a sweet man and as soon as I walked in the room with him he could tell that I was scared out of my mind. So to ease my nerves, he told me that there is a first time for everything and all the skills I need will come with practice. He then went on to tell me about the first time he stuck his hand into a pig's uterus (his words). Again, I think he was trying to make conversation. I loved it. Love the hospital. Love my family. Love my life.

Spender Mooso...

2010-02-03T19:14:00.000-08:00

Most everyone knows about my relationship with Spencer. As he describes it, "Physically and psycologically abnormal." I say that sums it up pretty well. We both came to the conclusion that we both like it like that. It keeps things way more interesting. I love this boy! He makes me smile. He makes me laugh. He makes me feel safe. I love it when I feel like I am his and only his. I love the way he shows me that he loves me and he cares about me and he listens to me when i ramble on and on and on... usually mostly about myself. And it helps that he is so handsome and has a cute butt too.... I have failed to tell him this because I at times I think it might do more harm than good. The other day I came to the conclusion that I was going to tell him and then I talked to my family.... I know that they have good intentions and they are just trying to help, but they really know how to shoot me off my high horse (especially one of them in particular). How do you know the difference between being in love and wanting to spend forever with one person and being in love with being in love? Any good answers? I don't have one either, but until then I am going to continue singing this song every time I am with him....

MIA?

2010-01-24T18:32:00.000-08:00

So I do realize that I have been totally MIA from the blog scene for quite sometime now... But I am hoping to turn that around. I have been in deep thought about my life lately since recently I feel totally and completely unorganized and unfortunately stagnant. I have been contemplating those things that I do well and those things that I could improve. Unfortunately, my "improvement" list outweighs my "doing well" list by far... I have always been horrible at keeping a journal and I can't quite bring myself to sit down and write just yet, so I feel like if I pick blogging back up it will be a nice segway into "real" journal writing. And.... since I don't talk to my family much these days because someone with two little babies is occupying all of their time, they can just catch up with life via amythecougar...

These past couple of days have been totally exhausting and I am not 100% sure why, but I am pretty sure that I looked really sexy at church today so that made up for a little bit of my anxiety. Anyways...
My life these days is predominantly taken over by nursing school, which is miserable, but I just keep telling myself it is going to be worth it. I read constantly and I am never finished and no matter how much I read and no matter how study my teacher has still managed to tell me that she is going to slap me twice. I get up at 4:30 on Thursdays and head to Salt lake to work in the U of U hospital. I love the hospital. So much better than the nursing home and U of U is incredible. I think it's safe to say that when I am there I feel pretty legit, but it is also equally safe to say that I am scared out of my mind. This past week I was in the nuero unit and I watched a guy have a seizure and the week before that I watched colonoscopies and bronchoscopies all day long and got to put in an IV... Way cool. You may think I am kidding, but I am not at all. This next week I actaully take care of a patient all by myself so lets all cross our fingers that I don't kill anyone.

Gosh. Writing in a journal is so hard... I have no clue what to say.

One thing is for sure. Evertime I leave the hospital I am so grateful that I am happy and healthy... for the most part. I can handle a little acne and little bit of pudge around my midsection. I see some cards that people are dealt and it is so sad. I see families that have to go through these horrible sicknesses and diseases and it is so horrible. I am so excited to be a nurse to help these people and to serve these people and to hopefully make their experience in the hospital just that much better.

Well Spencer just got here... Yes he is back in the picture. So I would really appreciate it if we keep this a judge free zone and just accept that I am happy. Love my family. Love my life.

p.s. "Dear mom and dad please send money. I'm so broke that it ain't funny. Don't need much just a little to get me by..."

My Sister

2009-12-15T09:25:00.000-08:00

I know this is a little early, but I just wanted to send a birthday shout out to my favorite big sister Kristi. I want you to know how much I look up to you and appreciate your example. You are so lucky to have such a wonderful husband and children. I hope I can be as cool as you one day. I love you!

Weekend at the Mabin... (Mansion/ Cabin)

2009-05-31T09:58:00.000-07:00

This past weekend me and about 25 other people went up to my friend's cabin in Park City and it was so much fun!!! This huge cabin was on top of a mountain and overlooked all of Park City. It was beautiful. After you drove for 45 minutes on the freeway, you had to drive 20-30 minutes up this huge mountain on a dirt road. There was no else around. It was awesome. Kinda scary if you ever needed help, but still awesome. What do you do at a mansion/cabin all weekend in the midle of nowhere you might ask? Oh well let me tell you... We found plenty to do. We got there at about 10 o' clock and we all jumped in the jacuzzi. Very tight squeeze...

We had a dance party. Huge success! Someone asked me if I was on the dance team in high school... What the? Oh and I guess this is about as good as time as any to introduce you all to Spencer... I know what you are thinking "He is sexy". This was the first time that all of my friends really hung out with him for an extended period of time and they all really like him. Let me share with you a few of their quotes that I thought were really funny. "I could not have picked out someone more perfect for you" and "When you guys are together, it is like a total show. It is just mesmerizing to watch you two together." Interesting...

Even my friends were trying to get all up on that...

Then of course it was time for me to whip out my onesie. Very sexy if you ask me. Pay special attention to my deformed leg. I swear it is not broken.

In the morning, we ate pancakes and decided to take a nature walk. I put together, at least I thought, a nice bouquet, but all of my friends thought it was ugly... As we were going through pictures after the trip, my friend called this the Amy show. I swear I am trying to be humble, but it is not always easy...

I tried to wear my best hiking apparel and shoes...

And of course we had to take a photoshoot...

Next, I would like all of you guys to look at these next few ppictures and pay attention to how abnormally large I am compared to my friends... It's embarrassing if you ask me. What great genetics...

Of course, I practiced my tricks on the tramp. Dang I'm flexible...

My friends like to mock the signature Amy pose... So rude.

I Love My Mother!!!

2009-05-10T15:02:00.000-07:00

Since I was not able to be in the presence of my hot mother on Mother's Day, I decided to write her a poem. She wanted me to share it on my blog for all to witness my dazzling wit and sparkling personality:

Oh my Mudder, Oh my Mudder
At times, I love her more than butter
She has sexy blonde locks and a bangin' hot body
All my guy friends say, "She's a real hottie!"

But of course I love her for more than her looks
Unfortunately, it's not for her knowledge of books
She has a beautiful heart and the power to see
All of the things that are best for me

My mother is one of a kind
And safe to say, my favorite of all time
She has always been an example to me
And is everything that I want to be

She has a cool style
The colors so many
Go, Go, Go Joseph you know what they say...
Just kidding. Love you.

But seriously Mom, I love you so much
Sorry Dad, she doesn't like to be touched

But basically Mom, I wanted to say
Thanks so much for everything
Your husband makes bank, go buy some bling
But don't forget to save some for me

Happy Mother's Day Mom!
I love you and miss you more than you know.
p.s. Sorry to all my siblings
I know my gift is way better than yours!!!

My Mother Just Took all of the Excitement Out of My Life...

2009-03-24T18:12:00.000-07:00

So, first of all, I am not engaged... It was a joke. My roommate lets me wear this fake ring she has all of the time and it is so much fun.I was looking for a little bit of excitment in my life, so I started telling people I was engaged. It was fun while it lasted, but then my mother made me tell the truth. It is wierd sometimes how doing the right thing is always sooo boring. I love my mother, but it seems like she is trying to teach me life lessons through the "Boy who cried wolf" story all too often. Love you mom...

It Has Finally Happened... I'm Engaged!

2009-03-22T19:25:00.001-07:00

It has finally happened! I am engaged! It has been the absolutely best weekend ever! For those of you who don't know him, his name is Casey Hansen and he is from Huntington Beach. He is majoring in PDBio and he is minoring in business. He is going to be an oral surgeon... So basically that means that we are going to in debt for a long a time, but we all are going to have to start making sacrifices around here... right? If you are reading this you are most likely invited... So mark your calenders for September 25 at the San Diego Temple!

The nicest thing that anyone has ever said to me....

2009-03-01T21:44:00.000-08:00

I love hanging out with Craig's friend Josh. He cracks me up and I feel like he is one of the few people at this school that truely appreciates me. The other day we were in the library together and he looks up at me and says, "You know Amy, I think that you are really selfish. You keep your personality all to yourself and if you weren't so selfish you would be married tight now!" I will never forget that. It made me laugh and then I was really grateful that Josh is around because he appreciates me for exactly who I am...

My Mother... Gotta Love Her!

2009-03-01T21:12:00.000-08:00

So today when I was talking to my beautiful mother she said something very interesting. When she said it I was pretty offended, but now that I think about it I can kind of see where she is coming from. I told her that I really wanted a boyfriend and she said, "Amy maybe the Lord knows that you are not ready for a boyfriend because you don't have any self-control." What the? (But I do have to say that I was not even half as offended as when she told me that I am not a compassionate person... Love you mom. Deep down I know I am your favorite right behind Kristi and Sarah... Dang.) Anyway that is besides the point. The more that I think about what my mom said the more I think that she might be right. Just a few pictures to illustrate my point...

My friends and I went to a concert a Velour. A local band from BYU was playing.

My friends birthday party... The first picture was totally taken out of context, so it doesn't count. If anyone finds this offensive, just let me know and I will remove it propmtly.

Need I post these pictures again...

My friend Jerry really wanted to teach me how to spoon... I didn't know that it took a lesson, but he made me.

So in conclusion, I would like to thank my mother for pointing out just a few of my many weaknesses.It is greatly appreciated. I always love good constructive criticism and ideas of why my life isn't the way I would like it to be... Love you!

Hiking the Y... Go Cougs!

2009-03-01T20:54:00.001-08:00

My friends and I hiked the Y yet again this past weekend. We got up early Saturday morning and ventured up to the top. We plan on doing it every weekend until we look totally hot in our swimsuits (not going to take much work at all, especially when I kick it in my zebra suit... woot woot).I love these girls that I hang out with. I have finally found people that except me for who I am and they are so dang funny! We play off each other and that is what I have been waiting for. After we hiked the Y, we went to the Relief Society breakfast and the Relief Society President came and sat down next to me and my friend Sarah and proceeded to tell us that we are the funniest girls that she knows... I would venture to say that is a compliment and I will take it. Unfortunately, only a small population of people find my jokes funny at BYU... can't win 'em all I guess. Oh, also something really bad that happened on the hike... When no one is talking, I start to and many times that is unfortunate for everyone involved. I don't obey social cues, lack a social filter and unfortunately don't usually think things through before I saw them. So my friends found out how illiterate I am in history, for some reason I forgot that Europe wasn't involved in the Civil War...woops. Kristi wanna hang out?

A Testimony to Ward Activities...

2009-03-01T20:40:00.001-08:00

I don't know if it is apparent from these pictures, but I had an amazing weekend. We had a ward photo scavenger hunt and I for some strange reason was in an amazing mood... it is most likely due to the fact that I had just returned from dinner at Costco (My favorite place in the world, especially if I am with my dad). But anyway, one of the things on the list to take pictures of was a kiss with the member of the opposite sex... So of course I jumped on that. We only needed one, but then this way hot guy answered the door so I just took what I could get. As I was walking away, I said, "If you want my number just let me know!" My friend then said, "Amy he was really going to get your number..." So of course I wrote my number on a piece of paper and had my friend give it to him. He texted me later that night, but unfortunately I don't think that it is going anywhere...dang. Looks like I am still single and alone... dang.

Hittin' the slopes!

2008-12-25T18:22:00.000-08:00

Some friends and I went snowboarding a few weekends ago at Snowbird and it gave me a reason to not be 100% sour about all of the snow that we were getting back in Provo. It wasn't very crowded, but somehow my friend managed to break his collarbone a few hours after we got there. Strangely it was so sad, but also so funny at the same time... I am not sure if that is even possible, but oh well. And I am not quite sure what is with me and dancing, but I put my headphones in and I would dance all of the way down the hill. My friends were so embarassed of me, they chose to keep their distance. Or maybe they kept their distance because of the hat I was wearing. I haven't completely decided yet... But anyway, I am hoping that the starving students will gather some funds to make it back up the mountain a few more times in this coming semester. Love you mom and dad...

Halloween!!! Time to whip out my signature moves...

2008-12-25T18:01:00.000-08:00

Don't ask me how I did it, but I am pretty sure that penguins may now be the sexiest animal ever to walk the Arctic circle! I was a penguin for halloween and if I do say so myself my outfit was pretty clever. A group of my friends and I went to a dance party in our apartment complex (not the most happening thing that I have ever been to, but it got us excited for the rest of the night). Then we went to The Arctic Circle to get some ice cream. The place is so awesome. You choose the cream and toppings that you like and then they mix it up and freeze it with nitrous oxide right in front of you. It gets me every time. Finally, we headed down to the UVU to go the dance that the school was putting on. It was one of the best dances that I have ever been to! There were so many people there and a lot of cute guys... It was an awesome night and I had the opportunity to show off some of my most impressive dance moves. Some of them are getting so famous people are starting to request certain moves. So I just had to whip them out! Most importantly, though, I looked way sweet in my costume.

Hiking the Y in P-Town...

2008-12-25T17:36:00.000-08:00

The huge freshman thing to do at BYU is hike the Y and I never did it as a freshman, mostly because I'm dumb, but oh well. My new friends and I hiked up to the top of the mountain and we brought some sparkling cider to celebrate... mostly our friendship I guess... It was hilarious. Unfortunately, sparling cider is really sweet and has a lot of sugar and I guess bees really like stuff like that. What is even more unfortunate than that is that I am deathly afraid of bees. If you know me well, you know the embarassing noises that often are coming out of my mouth. There were a lot of them while we were on the mountain and everyone kept staring at me. Then, as we were leaving the bees came at me again and I freaked out. My camera case rolled down the mountain and I am pretty sure it is gone forever. I know. I'm different. Whatever. It's doing things like this that makes me not so popular at school. Oh well. I love it.

I Just Got In!!!!

2008-10-30T18:12:00.000-07:00

I was just officially accepted into the nursing program for Winter 2009!! I was so excited I drooled on my computer!!! Sorry Dad...

I Did It All By Myself... I Made Friends!!!

2008-10-12T00:10:00.000-07:00

I am so happy right now. I just got back from a dance party in our apartment complex and I totally made friends. I didn't think that I knew how, but I branched out all on my own and I met some boys that are way awesome... one of them is actually the brother of the boy that I stalked last year. So that is way funny, but also so weird because I had to tell him how I knew his name and where he was from and that his brother was a cheerleader... Oh well, all in a days work. I guess that is what I get for liking awkward situations!

Don't Ask Me How... Just Know That It Happened!

2008-10-09T22:14:00.000-07:00

Okay so I am usually not the kind of person to drop titles or brag about myself, but this time I have to. It's too good! There is this class at BYU called American Heritage and everyone hates it. It is the most failed class at this school and I took the test and I rocked it like no other. I could have started crying if I really wanted to, but that isn't that hard these days, so I didn't. I got a 98%. I don't care who you are, that's awesome! I just can't tell anyone in my class because the class is graded on a curve and I won't have any more friends... but I will get off my soap box now. Just thought you might want to know.

We didn't start the fire... but this time we actually did!

2008-10-09T21:52:00.000-07:00

Okay so I love dancing and last weekend we heard that there was a dance at the club on center street, but before we went we had to do something to get us in the mood. So while we were waiting for our friend, we pulled into the parking lot and had a little dance party of our own to see which dance moves were going to work best.
When we got to center street it was such a joke. There were like two people in the club, some people outside and a bunch of eigth graders. It was so sketch, but we were in the mood so we went in anyway. There were these platforms in the middle and so we started dancing and the people just started flowing in. The party was bumpin' within 15 minutes. We just looked around and said "Yeah, we did this!"
It was one of the best dances I have been to in a long time. What made it so good you ask? Oh, it was the black guy that taught me how to dance and the people that I danced with when they weren't looking... It is my signature move; just ask anyone from my high school. It's hilarious!
...I can't get the video posted but I will try to get it up soon.

My First BYU Football Game... I wish I knew what was going on!

2008-10-09T21:31:00.000-07:00

I decided that I should probably post some good things that are going on in my life right now so that people don't think that I am living in Provo all by myself sulking everyday of my life. I am having so much fun... thanks to my roommate who pulls me away from the books on the weekends.
A couple of weeks ago, I went to my first BYU football game and it was so exciting. BYU kids are so funny, but it is so cool becasue it is almost like the whole town shuts down. Everyone is at the game!
We have really good seats in the south endzone... too bad they were wasted on me. I don't really care about football and I have no clue what's going on, but it is fun to go and watch the chearleaders and cougarettes and pretend like I know the fight song. If you know me though, you know the real reason why I go to any sporting event is for the concession stands and Cosmo. Cosmos's my boy and pretzels with cheeze and cotton candy is where its at.
Anyway, me and my roommate road the beachcruisers to the stadium and joined our friends in the stands... and the crazy boys in front of us. They totally mosh whenever we score. It was a great experience and I can't wait to go again this weekend to get some cotton candy...

Where Would We Be Without The Gospel of Jesus Christ!

2008-10-09T21:08:00.000-07:00

Anyone who has talked to me in the last month or so knows that I have had some rough days recently... I am fine. Don't worry about me, but college life can be very stressful at times.
I am will openly admit that I am a very stubborn person and I don't really like people to help me, but recently I have had no choice but to rely on something much greater than myself. I know that I have a Heavenly Father that is aware of me and has a plan for me. He only wants for us to be happy. I have seen his hand in my life. I have been praying for some things for quite some time now and in the past couple of weeks I have received answers to those prayers... in unexpected ways I might add.
I love the Gospel of Jesus Christ. It makes sense. Conference this past weekend was amazing and I know that those men are called of God. So many talks spoke straight to me. I wanted to share a few of my favorite quotes:
"Come what may, and love it!"
"Find joy in the journey!"
"Continue to persevere in the pursuit of the most precious prize!"
"Minimize personal demands and maximize sincre selflessness!"
"I don't know a lot, but I know enough!"
"Simplify your life!"
and most importantly...
"Have faith, hope, and endure! God has a plan for you!"
I love this gospel. I know it's true. It has brought me a lot of comfort these past couple of weeks. I also wanted to thank everyone who has been there for me when I needed them recently. Mom and Dad, I love you guys and I miss you so much! Craig, thanks for letting me cry on you. And Jami, oh my goodness, I am so glad that you called me. It was good to talk to someone who understands everything that I am feeling.
Oh my gosh, I love life!

YES on Prop 8!

2008-10-09T19:49:00.000-07:00

I am so excited about the upcoming election. This will be my first year to vote and I want to make my voice heard. One of the most important issues on the ballot this year is Prop 8. Who would have ever thought that we would have to vote on the definition of marriage? One man and one woman join together in marriage to create a family. I have nothing against two people of the same gender having all of the same civil rights as a man and a woman legally married, but we can't ignore the fact that a man and women can create children and two people of the same gender cannot. Call it Heavenly Fathers plan or just simply biology, but it is not the same and we cannot pretend that it is, no matter how much a same gender couple loves each other. Children deserve to be raised in a home with a mother and father. Two mothers cannot make up for a missing father and two fathers cannot make up for a missingg mother. Unborn children have a right to both a mother and a father. I urge everyone to think about the issue of Prop 8 seriously and decide where you stand on the issue. This ammendment does not only effect those of the same gender. Without a doubt in my mind, this ammendment will effect not only what will be taught in schools to our children, but also our religious rights for generations to come. Check out the following links if you are still not sure, but remember to get out and vote on Nov. 4. Yes on 8!!!
Prop 8 Video
LA Times Opinion
When Gay Rights and Religious Liberties Clash

Sometimes life sucks, but it's gotta go up sometime... right?

2008-09-27T20:50:00.000-07:00

This last week was rough! It was really rough, but I guess that is the beauty of college life. Stress and tears and laughter, along with some life changing realizations pretty much sums up my life right now and the worst part is is that my parents were gone for two weeks and I couldn't even talk to them. I missed them and love them so much!
This week was crazy but today I am relieved to say that I finally turned in my nursing application. It is out of my hands now and all that I can do is sit and wait. They tell us in November if we get in and I am stressing out. I will let you guys know if I get in, but if I don't then please don't ask. It might be a sensitive subject for a while.
But anyway, that is not why I wanted to blog today. Last night I went to the Haunted Forest and I came out with with some physical and psychological battle wounds. I have this sick addiction with scary things and it is a total love-hate relationship. The first chainsaw that I encountered, I took of running and totally booked it into the girl in front of me and I fell flat on my face. I had dirt in my mouth, stickers in my hair and my feet were bleeding. It hurt really bad. Then, we hit the clowns and that is the one thing that I just really can't handle. I made the mistake of walking through them and saying, " I really just can't do clowns. I can't do clowns" and this clown followed me around and kept yelling things at me. It was so bad. After recovering from that I moved on and another chainsaw man came along. I then made the second mistake of just running past him screaming... my advice: Don't ever do that. He chased me for so long I passed the two other groups in front of us. Then I just had to sit in the dark all by myself and wait for my group.
All in all, it was way fun, but to be honest the frosty and french fries at the end really hit the spot! Fat kid for life!!! Thats right, what now?

Yeah that's right... I'm a model!

2008-09-04T07:33:00.001-07:00

So ever since last year I told my roommates that we needed to do a photo shoot and make a calendar to hang in our new and improved living room... I know I may be kind of into myself, but I am working on it. But anyway, we found this really awesome field and if you use your more artistic eye I think that you will see that we kind of made it work. I brought some of our crazy costumes from home to spice things up a little bit and things really got interesting when these random runners showed up and jumped in front of the camera. But by the end of the day it is pretty safe to say that it was way fun and it didn't turn out as white trash as I thought it was going to be!

So let me tell you about my first time...

2008-09-03T19:49:00.000-07:00

Clever title I know, but I want to be apart of the blogger craze. Call me trendy, but I want to keep everyone updated on my college experience from the crazy, stressful days that make me cry to the hand holding and romantic dates... or in my case the lack there of. Oh well, but whatever happens I will definitely keep you posted... Literally!